Monday, May 11, 2009

Equilibrium?

That is a word in the English language, right? i am pretty sure i have heard of it before, though its meaning certainly eludes me right now. I tell you what folks, i think i am trying to wear a few too many hats. I am in need of some serious balance, and i am not sure when/ if / where i am going to find it.

As you may or may not know, i am in the midst of opening a tea house here in Atlanta. We closed on the property where it is located on New Year's Eve and have been working on getting the doors open since then. I will not bore you by carrying on and on about what that entails or HOW MUCH THAT COSTS... suffice it to say- a LOT--- on both counts. I don't mean to sound like i am surprised by this information- i knew it would be a hard row to how and that it would cost us a lot of money.... but as time goes on, and things keep getting checked off the list.... new, expensive, complicated items continue to be added. Everyone asks us, "When is the big day?".... "When are you opening?" and i am so tired of having to say things like, "as soon as possible"... "as soon as we can get and pass our health inspection".... I don't mean to sound like a martyr here- or like i am in the midst of something that has been forced upon me-- and honestly, it is my amazing business partner who is doing the lion's share of the work- the organizing and ordering, the meeting with the $&%*# county, writing up the menues etc etc etc (hundreds of thousands of things). But i have been pretty obsessed and busy with the whole project too (as have our husbands- who have been amazing and who i could write a whole other post about) and have been so caught up doing this and that for the shop for the last few months that the other parts of my life have totally fallen by the wayside.

I do laundrey at least once a week - and by that i mean that i wash a number of loads of clothing- most of the dirty laundrey being made by the children and my DH. fine. normal. but the the clean clothes get piled and piled higher on the couch and on the childrens' dressers and left in laundrey baskets, and noone can find anything to wear, and when it is time for soccer, we can't locate shin guards and there are dirty dishes in the sink, and the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and there are ants on the kitchen counter and so much dust and dirt and pet hair on the floors that the dust bunnies can't even be called dust "bunnies" anymore and really resemble something more like "dust buffalo". ( I almost got trampled by one this morning)... The puppy is chewing on and ruining the childrens shoes that are left here and there, they eat too much maccaroni and cheese lately, I can't seem to return phonecalls for the life of me, the family room looks like it was the setting of a small tropical storm.... and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I miss my kids and have not spent nearly enough time with them lately-- i can see it especially in the little one and it is breaking my heart. and finally, (well, not finally- the list is so long- but this is where i will end this rant) i have not been in the studio making or glazing anything for almost two months- with the exception of stamps and a few pendants and buttons. If you know me at all or have seen one of my overflowing sketchbooks, or had the "priviledge" to hear me carry on about any of the 207 ideas that come into my head all day- you would understand that this is just not ACCEPTABLE. i NEED to make things. When i don't make this, i am a crazy, grumpy person. I have not even been able to take and edit the photographs of all of the pieces that i had made up to two months ago and that is making me crazy too.... finished work, just sitting, not selling-- getting dusty for crying out loud!

so, i am really carrying on here... and i don't think anyone will want to read this... and i am not looking for sympathy .... i just need to put some of this out there so that maybe i will stop feeling so nudgy. I know that it will not always be like this and i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that one day- hopefully in the very near future- our doors will be open for business and there will be people serving tea to lots of customers and i can be back in my studio making mugs and bowls and buttons and paintings and mosaics and jewelry and magnets and clocks and garden markers.... that i will play with my kids again and have time to read them more stories and take them to the park and have picnics on the play structure out back....

alrighty then. that is all for now. i apologize for the rant. but i DO feel a little better. and now it is time to change out of my pajamas and get over the the aforementioned shop before my partner thinks that i have run away.

hmm.... where COULD i run away to?.................................

3 comments:

terraworks said...

I am smiling- yes smiling! Because someone else is feeling the overwhelming responsibility of trying to do too much! Hopefully you are giving yourself sometime to recoop. Sometimes when we get stretched too thin we forget to take care of ourselves. Take a bath, get a massage, a pedicure- heck let someone shampoo your head! You seem like a wonderful mother and so your children will be o.k. they know they are loved <3

nicolecarey said...

awesome! you should have live music.. i'll come play! :o)

charity elise said...

terra- your post is so sweet! thank you for your kind and encouraging words! my brother and sis-in-law actually gave me a gift card to a spa/ salon for my birthday and i haven't used it yet... maybe it's time!!!

thanks nicole-- we are going to have live music!